Mamas' Stories

Olivia

Olivia originally comes from New Zealand, but her family has lived abroad for many years. She and her husband moved to Taiwan in 2014, where they spent four and a half years. After that, they moved to South Korea. Olivia says that life in Seoul was filled with joy but also many challenges, as this was the year of COVID-19. During this period, they welcomed their firstborn son, Alfie. As a first-time mother, Olivia says that living in a foreign country and being isolated was very tough. However, sharing the parent role with her husband, Ed, made it easier for her. She remembers how they learnt parenthood together, being just three of them there, and how grateful she is for her husband for being a supportive partner and a wonderful father.

In 2023, they relocated to Shanghai. Shanghai has become a home for them, and they are considering staying there for the foreseeable future. Their second child, Arlo, was born here. She says pregnancy with Arlo and bringing him into the world has been a different experience than with Alfie. Experiencing solitude in Seoul and being new parents was not easy, but now, being more experienced and having a community of families and supportive mothers in Shanghai makes the journey much smoother.

Before becoming a mother, Olivia was thoroughly absorbed in her work. She graduated from Political Science and worked for an extended period in a multinational publishing house in New Zealand. However, Olivia changed her career path and followed her passion for health and fitness. For over a decade now, she has worked as a female health and performance coach.

Work as a passion of life

When I hear Olivia talking about her work, I realize that it is not just a job for her but something she’s deeply passionate about: “I love women. I have a deep passion for women’s health and helping them step into versions of themselves where they truly start caring, respecting, and leading with self-compassion, not self-criticism.” She has a women’s strength and fitness program called Grit and Grace, and does one-on-one coaching. She  takes a holistic approach to flourishing health. She says that true transformation isn’t just about food and exercise, but how we think about these things and the self compassion we can cultivate along the way to support any change we are pursuing. 

After becoming a mom, she realized that motherhood helped her achieve another level of being a coach, as now she can understand women from a new perspective. “I can access a new level of empathy. A mother’s experience—how her body changes, identity, time, energy, purpose, and career—can never truly be understood until you’re IN it! Helping women feel truly seen, heard, and supported in their experience with their bodies is so important!”

Alongside her coaching, she also launched a mentorship program where she teaches other coaches and trainers how to work effectively with female physiology and design strength and fitness programs for women.

She has been pre- and postnatally trained, and she hopes to help all women worldwide and here in Shanghai to navigate pregnancy and postpartum in a way that supports the mental and physical demands of motherhood.

Tumultuous journey of becoming a mom

Olivia is the mom of two boys, Alfie and Arlo. Alfie is two and a half years old, and Arlo is four months old.

“Motherhood fundamentally changes us at a cellular level—this change is something I tried to resist, which made my first couple of years with it tough.”

She chose the word “tumultuous” to describe her experience as a mother. Olivia says that she never fully desired to become a mother. She feared that it would challenge her identity and her purpose. But she did desire to create a family with her husband. For many years, Olivia struggled with infertility (this was due to underfuelling her body and overtraining as an athlete). She went through unsuccessful fertility treatments in New Zealand and Taiwan, and doctors kept telling her that she would not be able to get pregnant. Ultimately it was the decision to focus on her health that reversed her infertility. And here it is, the wonder and magic of life: she became pregnant naturally with Alfie in 2021. Olivia says that after becoming a mom to Alfie she struggled with the label of “mom.” She wanted to remain unchanged as “Olivia,” and wanted the role as a mother to change her life as little as possible. “My son Alife was the most magical thing to have ever happened to me, AND I didn’t know how to be a mother and run a business (my first baby) simultaneously. I found some solid ground with my identity by labeling myself as ‘Aflie’s mum,’ not a ‘mother.’ I felt like I didn’t ‘fit in’ with what a mother was. Until I realized that I didn’t have to fit into anything but stay steadfast in how I wanted to be a mother regardless of external influences.”

In 2023, she got pregnant for the second time. “It was a total surprise,” she says. After 18 months postpartum and finally starting to feel herself again, Olivia realized she was pregnant just before moving to Shanghai. Olivia remembers this stressful period, arriving in China and living in a hotel room with a toddler during her first trimester. “I knew I had to make many internal changes with my work as I barely kept my head above water. Once again, I was scared, burnt out, and unsure if this was the right thing to do. I also couldn’t understand how I could love anyone else like I loved Alfie. Mentally, the second pregnancy was tough. Physically, I do not recommend moving to a new country and living in a hotel with a toddler for two months during your first trimester.”

But she also says that Shanghai gave her a community of mothers who are warm and open about the challenges they are experiencing. This place allows her to embrace her role as a mother. She chose “soften” as her word for 2024, even tattooing it on her arm, as a way to remind her to soften into the beauty that is the feminine energy of the mother role.

“I had a wonderful birth experience here with my second son, Arlo, and as soon as he tumbled into the world, I felt like my whole world had completely transformed. Alfie led the way, and Arlo unlocked the door to motherhood for me. The experience of having a new baby, but with wisdom and knowledge, and not being a first-time mother, is very different. There’s more ease in the practical things and all new challenges to navigate but more space for awe and wonderment of having a new baby.”

Olivia mentions that the things that help her most in motherhood are compassion for herself and her children. “A pillar of compassion is wisdom, which is learning from the past, and letting change is presence.” Another crucial point when it comes to motherhood is self-care. Despite all the busy times of being a parent, we must  remember to care for ourselves. Our children can learn a lot from witnessing us choosing to care for ourselves.

Finding a balance between work and motherhood—is it possible?

“Motherhood is living in a constant paradox of love and grief, belonging and isolation, fulfillment and confusion, ease and overwhelm. Everything makes sense and doesn’t make sense simultaneously,” says Olivia.

The struggle of being a mom who’s present and doing a good job is a shared dilemma. The time that we have now with our kids will never be repeated. So, how do you juggle competing desires with work and being the mother you want to be?  Do you need to sacrifice one for the  other? Is it possible to find balance? These questions pop up in my head when I think about Olivia. She is a fantastic mother and a passionate coach. How does she balance them both in her life?

“I don’t think we can ever find balance. What does balance even mean? I think we can strive to continue to keep a curious mind and compassionate mind to see what is sustainable with time, energy, and desires and align our values (which can change!). It’s continuing to check in with yourself to see what is working and what is not; where am I being led by what I think I ‘should’ do and what I really want.”

However, she still finds it challenging because she cares so deeply and truly loves what she does. She mentioned that her values have changed so much since before becoming a mother. She started to spend her time more effectively and efficiently to make an impact in what she does while also dedicating time to her children and husband. “I certainly haven’t struck the right harmony yet, but I am just allowing myself to figure it out.”

Life advice

Olivia says that she feels incredibly proud of the work she has done to heal her body and mind and how she brought her  children into the world without any intervention or medication. She also feels  proud of the effort she has put into creating the motherhood experience she has now, affirming to herself, “I am a good mother.”

She hopes she can teach her boys how to cultivate compassion for themselves and others and how to receive it as well as develop resilience for challenges they face. “I wish for them that they can be clear on their values but open and curious to change. What a privilege it is to raise these children to be wonderful members of society!”